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Friday, October 9, 2009

How to Beat the Flu and Not Go Crazy

Once again, my immune system took a nose dive (echinacea, I want my money back) due to whatever microbes invaded my body this week. Flu shot? What is that?

I've been shackled to my bed this week and am not sure if it's mid-morning or mid-afternoon. My brain is still flu-foggy and have enough Emergen-C pumping through my veins to get me through next year's flu season. With the paranoia brewing over the H1N1 virus, I have some tips on how to survive the nasties- whether it's the garden variety flu or that pig one.

1. Make sure you have cable - seriously. I'm now caught up on all my bad reality tv shows like Rehab - Party at the Hard Rock Cafe. By the way, don't ever work at the Hard Rock in Vegas. The pool manager is a ludicrous tool.
2. If you don't have a laptop and you get the flu, you are screwed - buy laptop pronto.
3. Have a lot of fluffy pillows. I don't know why but soft, fluffy pillows make you feel instantly better.
4. Get a hiker's Camelback and attach it to your body - must...stay...hydrated.
5. Have someone buy you really bad celebrity gossip magazines and slide them under your door - it's the best time to catch up on Brangelina and those crazy Kardashian sisters.
6. Turn off your cell phone so people don't send you stupid text forwards - that will only make you feel worse. Who wants to see the pumpkin butt forward while you are hacking up a lung? Not pretty.
7. Eat a lot of steaming Top Ramen - it's cheap and full of starchy goodness (forget nutrients - it's all about the TR).
8. Don't watch "The Way We Were" on AMC 24,7. Once is all you need. Barbara gets annoying after awhile.
9. Watch Third Rock on Hulu - that will definitely make you feel better.
10. Don't mix TheraFlu with booze- I repeat: do not mix TheraFlu with booze. A hot toddy on its own is acceptable though. I think the pirates used to drink that...oh wait,they used to eat oranges to ward off scurvy...same difference.

And of course...get plenty of bed rest, wear a gas mask, and don't infect others with your pig flu germs.

Ok, time to eat some more Top Ramen and take a nap. ZZZZZ.

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