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Friday, April 3, 2009

Writers Who Write for a Living - Workin' Hard for Our Money

I thought I'd end the week with a tongue-in-cheek, Letterman-esque list of why professional writers aren't taken seriously by non-writing lay people. The next time you tell a writer that what they do isn't "real work," think again. "I'm tired of people telling me my writing isn't a real job" has been a common theme lately on my freelance writing web sites. Copywriters, editors and all those who pen for a living work their fingers to the bone (I think I'm starting to wear down the pads of my fingertips from excessive typing).

Please note my "abnormally sarcastic" (thank you, Facebook Quiz #1001) tone to my list. For the record, there are many fabulous non-writing lay people out there who wholeheartedly support my writing endeavors.

However, my Top Ten List is dedicated to the lame brains of the clueless world who ask me: "Do you do something with books?" (I'm a copywriter NOT a copyrighter):

1. Non-writing people experience constant grammar and vocabulary envy. They are clueless when it comes to ledes, hooks, angles, syntax, connective verbs and "its and it's." They swim in a sea of email signatures that end with "Your welcome" and "Sincerly."

2. Lay people are jealous because writers are usually more in tune to the world, trends and news. As a result, writers ignite stimulating conversations at parties about serial killers and Ponzi schemes. Thus, non-writing people are asked never to return to said parties because they are dull and lifeless.

3. They were once told by their first grade teacher that their haiku wasn't written in proper stanza format. As a result, they lash out against all writers of the world with their angst-ridden, snide remarks: "Ohhhh, so you'reeee a writer? Yeah, right."

4. Their romance/horror/sci fi/kinda non-fiction novel was rejected 999 times by the same publisher. They don't quite understand the concept that romance/horror/sci fi/kinda non-fiction aren't genres that mesh well.

5. An ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/partner was a writer who devoured their savings trying to write the great American novel. Bad, bad flashbacks.

6. They eat the same food three times a day, wear a toupee and tune their radio to the easy listening station.

7. They think Wuthering Heights is the name of a new subdivision in their neighborhood.

8. They speak in text - Ru goin 2 skool 2 day?

9. They think Eat, Shoots & Leaves is Martha Stewart's latest television show.

10. They just can't hook up with chicks or dudes. Writers have game.

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