Coffee and Writers - Please Make a Java Donation, Coffeehouse Peeps

Here's my proposal to the coffeehouse owners of the world. I think all writers should get one free cup of coffee a day. There's an unwritten rule amongst freelance writers that we are the world's biggest java junkies. I know some of you are reading this and thinking, "But Therese-a-saurus, I am not a writer and I have a coffee addiction." This is true, but as writers we should be able to get something for free and since coffee is pretty much injected into our veins intravenously on an hourly basis, I urge coffeehouse owners to give us at least one cup of coffee a day for free.

Think about it, my fellow writers. It would be great promotions for the said coffeehouse AND they are doing a great service to the community by keeping us writers well-caffeinated during our crazy deadlines.

I strongly urge coffeehouse owners to unite and take a stand in this java crusade. Please support us hopped-up java junkies by donating one free measly cup of coffee to us. If you can't donate on a daily basis, once a week would help our cause.

If you care about the written word and don't want to see us writers slumped across our desk in a comatose "OHMYGOD the coffee just wore off" state as we scratch our eyes out and moan melodramatically to the Java gods: "For the love of Italian roast, cof-fee...need...stat...I...will...die." Please dig down deep into your Fair-trade, organic coffee lovin' hearts (and pockets) and do your part today. Help a fellow writer with his/her caffeine addiction. You will make a lasting difference in our lives. That's all it takes - just one cup of joe a day.

On that note, I need to refill my coffee cup and head over to my second office, Courthouse Coffee. They take pity on me as I sniff the brew bar and whine pathetically. I am not allowed to hold my tongue under the bar anymore to catch the drippings of left-over coffee. They can't afford the liabiilty (I might burn my tongue and there's the possibility of neck strain). My antics might also might freak out customers. "Oh look at that pathetic girl, how sad. I bet she lost thousands with her stock portfolio today. We really should buy her a cup of coffee."

Once again, I urge coffeehouse owners to suppor this noble java cause. It just takes one cup a day...one steaming cuppa java to make us writers happy, and give us the much-needed energy to pen...perhaps the next great American novel (or perhaps a few articles).

Wanted: Professional Client

Here's my first tirade to get this party started: I've been searching through C-list and freelance writing sites looking for writing gigs. I couldn't believe how the ads read and these companies had no clue what kind of writers they wanted or what they wanted from writers. I decided to create my own personals ad seeking a client who actually has a clue. Here's my snarky take on a job ad for a "good" client:

Wanted: Professional client who has a clue about marketing. Savvy company who didn’t drop their brains at the front door. Well-informed, well-spoken client who understands that just a well-written press release will not make you an overnight sensation. Flexible client who is willing to learn about media relations and how they need a PR professional to help them. Smart client who understands that good copywriting on their website will bring them more revenue and business. I am seeking these clients. If you are clueless, annoying and don’t want to learn from me, then hire someone else. Please contact me only on Tuesdays at 12:05 am (after a night of karaoke marathons) or every other Friday at 6:52 am (in between my yoga and t'ai chi sessions).